first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
