I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
