nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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