I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
