She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
