Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
