Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
