The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
