When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
