He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
