I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
