her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
