I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
