You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
