He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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