idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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