I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
