I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
