I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
