I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
