he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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