I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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