You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
