He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
