I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
