know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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