This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
