i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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