I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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