It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
