Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
