Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
