hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
