in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His hands were made for my vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
