we have pet lesbian snakes
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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