I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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