My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
