I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
