its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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