I'd wear matching sweaters with you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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