Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
