The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
