ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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