I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
