At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
