areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
