one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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