The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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