I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
