Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
