Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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